Accident Prone or Purposefully Prepared? (Part 1)

The idea of guardian angels rarely brings controversy when brought up in conversation. Although perception, understanding and appreciation of and for such ethereal subjects will vary as widely as any other topic touching on the intangible, most everyone has had (or at least knows someone who has had) an experience that can not be explained logically. Sure, someone may come along and have a perfectly sound theory that bodes well with the mainstream scientific minds of the day. However, is it testable, repeatable, observable and falsifiable? Regardless of your lens and point of reference when it comes to spiritual experiences, it is a rare find to meet someone who truly hates the idea of a Savior. My friend and neighbor Isaac turned me on to this truth of common ground. If indeed all of our best efforts will eventually and inevitably find us falling short of perfection, then we all need an advocate.

This archetype is as old as time and has been a force for both good and evil. My own experience tells me that there are many factors that potentially create and destroy, focus and blur the lenses by which we choose to perceive life's experiences. If you ask my parents, I'm sure they would downplay the reality of my needing and having guardian angels for no other reason than their psyche have created such strong denial of my haphazardly chaotic episodes of near death experiences. I am absolutely certain that more than a handful of times, a heavenly messenger from beyond the veil was charged with altering specific details (past, present and future) in order for my (or somebody else's) mortal sojourn to overcome precipitous expiration.

I was born October 14, 1973 in a mid-western town called Clinton along the mighty Mississippi River in the great state of Iowa.

What kind of life threatening shenanigans could the youngest of four children born, to deaf parents in a wholesome Protestant-influenced town get himself into you ask...??? Well, if I go by my current recollection, here are my earliest episodes of perceived probable life threatening occurrences that most likely necessitated intervention from beings beyond:

-convinced I had the powers of Superman, leaped over an open dishwasher and found the sharp end of a carving knife stuck in my thigh

-stabbed my brother in the hand (could have been any part of his body, luckily he protected himself) with knife edge thread snips because he was frantically chasing me around the house pretending to be the wooba-wooba monster

-spun more than once in a running clothes dryer

-hospitalized after eating countless green apples from a lonely tree near a parking lot somewhere near the river

-had an out of body experience after consuming an inordinate amount of leaves and flowers that were hanging upside down in a shed on a farm owned by my dad's Native American friend

-hospitalized for weeks after being struck by the passenger side view mirror of a 1970's Cadillac, breaking my left collar bone and hurling me to the ground causing contusions to swell my face and forehead (somehow I immediately got up and walked away from it)

-had a head on collision with a rock (Gerb would have to tell her version of the story... This one and the one above) on the banks of the swiftly moving Mississippi, which split the back of my head near the right mastoid because my sister wanted to make the biggest splash

-left the scene of a campsite that was only hours later, decimated by a flash flood 

All of these events and more, happened somewhere in the age range between 2-6 years old. Needless to say, I had at least one (on average) potentially catastrophic and/or life altering event per year up to the time I got married. Admittedly, I do recognize my own role in bringing these events to pass. I firmly believe that we are agents of change through our desire driven actions. Coupled with the influences from circumstantial environment and countless other agents of change desiring to manifest their will upon the fabric of life's great tapestry, we ultimately must accept accountability for our own desires, influence and action. 

Indeed, these heavenly advocates must have a stake in our outcomes. They seem to be keenly aware of what we need to experience in order to prepare us for the next challenge. Prerequisites if you will, for having the necessary fortitude to triumphantly overcome life's inevitable obstacles. All too often, our physical nature is blind to the spiritual aspects of life and such concepts become esoteric or downright impossible to consider as a part of our reality. If you find it hard to believe in, or don't feel comfortable with your understanding in the spiritual realm, please suspend your disbelief while we journey through my perceived experience.

From the spring of 1982 to the spring of 1991, my family resided in a large apartment complex in Torrance CA. Just the act of typing that sentence brings a flood of memories worthy of volumes and volumes of stories. For the purpose of this entry, I bring you to the late 80's. 

The apartment building was named The Bay Village and later renamed Torrance Venture. Let's just stick with "Bay Village"... 

Bay Village was a melting pot of cultures and creatures. I can recall the strong aroma of curry in one courtyard while seeing the smoke of a barbecue billowing out of a grill all at the same time. Around the corner, cabbage is hung to dry for kimchi at one apartment and next door there are swimsuits and towels drip drying. While Willie the preacher/postman is singing praises, "YES JESUS LOVES ME, YES SIR!"... a group of head bangers wander off to discuss the fine art of speed metal. 

To the left, or west of the pool area is the manager's office and other recreational offerings throughout the multilevel building. Once the office was closed for business, the reception area (we called it the lobby) was free game for incorrigibles of all sorts to occupy and establish as their hangout. Glass paneling and glass double doors on either side of the building allowed residents and guests to freely enter and exit the complex through the lobby area. 

One evening my group of friends were occupying the lobby and doing what young teenagers do. I can't remember the jokes or all the names of the people who were there, but we were laughing up a storm. One after another, each one of us trying to be funnier than the last. None of us were saints but we all had enough wisdom to respect our elders. So when a group of middle eastern men came walking through the lobby in their culturally traditional apparel, I don't think anyone of us thought twice about it. I recognized one of the men and knew that he lived among us. As he and his friends walked through the lobby to the street, I remember noticing that their apparel varied and I wondered if there was some significance to the color, style and type of material chosen. The man who was our neighbor stood out from the rest of his party as he was wearing all white. After a few minutes, this man came back from the street through the lobby but this time he stopped and turned toward us. Again, I don't remember the exact topic we were on at that moment but I'm sure we had moved to another focus. I don't think any one of us had the presence of mind to recognize that this neighbor of ours was trying to get our attention. Perhaps we were all in a state of denial. 

I say this because to my recollection, this man and his family rarely spoke in public. In fact, if someone told me that they did not speak or understand English, I would have taken them at their word. The only real interaction I had with this man and his family (he had a wife and a young son at the time) was either in passing or at the pool area. In fact, when my dad frantically ran to the other side of the pool one day, none of us had a clue that this couple's young son was floating face down in the water. My dad was able to pull him out of the water and revive him. The typical chaos of the pool activities caused an awkward silence of motionless onlookers when we observed dad as he hovered over this hapless young boy's limp body. After checking for signs of life, dad must have seen something I didn't, because he immediately turned the boy's mouth closer to the ground as his body convulsed and heaved out its unwanted contents. Shortly thereafter, the boy's parents had him in their loving arms. Thickly accented words and gestures were exchanged between my father and the grateful couple. I could tell that they at least knew that my father was deaf by the exaggerated attempts at creating dialogue. 

Where were we...??? Ahhh, yes! Back to the lobby. As I looked around at my friends, my observation was that they either were unaware or in denial that this man dressed in all white had encroached our collective bubble with a purpose. Curiosity being one of my favorite pastimes, I made deliberate eye contact and raised my eyebrows along with my gaze as if to give him my undivided attention. He did not struggle to come up with words as he spoke. His tone and demeanor seemed as flat as was his apparent affect when he initially delivered his first phrase. The rumblings and giggles of about half a dozen teenagers skewed my ability to read his intention, let alone understand his words. My expression turned as my eyebrows naturally dropped as if to say, "I have no idea what you just said but you have my attention..." With a lean forward, I must have caught the attention of my suddenly silenced crew of friends. Perhaps there was a premonition to which only they were privy. The room became eerily quiet and the man must have conscientiously lowered his volume to match the intent of his question, "what was so funny?" came out in a clear, staccato and unabashed way. Silence. 

The man's evenly dark and calm complexion was suddenly bursting with veins coursing with red-hot angered lava.  "WHAT WAS SO FUNNY!?!?... WHY WERE YOU LAUGHING!?!?... WHYWEREYOULAUGHING!?!?

His gaze and mine had been as fixed as his foothold in the floor within our semicircle. Silence still... He and I seemed to be face to face even though there must have been 10 feet of space and at least two or three of my friends between us. As I began to speak, the man slowly stepped closer to my seat. Slightly leaning his face toward mine with every step until his chest was close to my eye level. Before I blurted out my reply, my spinning wheels had suddenly landed on an epiphany. Regardless of his perspective as to why we were laughing when his party had walked through the lobby just a few short minutes before, this man felt disrespected in an enormously passionate way. So in an attempt to appease this infuriated man's highly charged supposition I explained with a now confused look on my face, "We weren't laughing at you. We were just laughing..." By the time I was mid sentence, he was so close, I could smell his breath and see tiny pores on his brow purging beadlets of sweat. Before I knew what was happening I was grasping his right wrist with both hands. My peripheral vision started to fade into black pixels. The feeling was that I was rising from my seat as if I had suddenly become weightless. Almost as if I was in a dream and was experiencing this moment outside of the laws governing time. When I realized I was instinctively holding his wrist to keep his hand from ripping my throat away from my neck, I heard these words as if they were amplified through a long hollow tunnel... "Who do you think you are... GOD!?!?"

Tender Mercies

There have been a few times in my life where the experience of this life is transcended. Sometimes it is the metaphorical perfect storm, other times there is quite literally a perfect storm that graces our lives. For better or worse, we choose to embrace that which we desire and are prepared for. Otherwise, we might just miss the purposes behind these gifts and a make-up lesson waits in store.

My parents did their best to raise me as a saint... Even with their best intentions and proactive efforts, I managed to find my own path in life. I can remember mom's freshly made chocolate chip and walnut cookies available for the taking. I don't recall there being a hard and fast rule dictating a limit on the number of scrumptious morsels we could consume. Heck, mom always made at least a double batch and half would go into the freezer. I am the youngest of four children in our family. My brother Toby being the oldest, was my arch nemesis and biggest competition in the consumption of goods and goodies. Our sisters Deanna and Gerberta usually had their share but were hardly adept at the art of piggery. Looking back, I recognize those precious bonding moments when Toby and I would decimate a full jar of cookies and the better half of a gallon of milk. When mom made spaghetti, we would inhale plate after plate as if we would never have an opportunity to eat again. Truth be told, there were times when we did not have much more in the house to eat other than canned fruit. Our parents were hard working and made every effort to provide the best of opportunities for us but the rent easily depleted half or more of their income. Dad was not too prideful for welfare, however I know how deeply it cut him when he was unable to provide the basic necessities. But I digress... 

At least every six months during my childhood, I would find myself doubled over in pain on the bathroom floor paying the price for my gluttonous choices. Truly these real life consequences held more sway than any corporeal punishment (of which I've had my share) in teaching, influencing and guiding my future decisions. 

By now, you may be wondering what any of this has to do with the photo above? Well... I love God and strive to recognize his hand in all things. Life and all its intricate parts are constantly calling out to instruct us and entice us to action. A year ago today, my family and I were experiencing the first of four months in Florida for my oldest son's medical intervention. I will address his history in more detail later. There are times in life when we feel inspired, motivated and perhaps even superhuman. More than a handful of times, I have been charged in no uncertain terms with a task from God. More than a feeling, more than urgency but an assignment that must be fulfilled and there is absolutely no room for doubt. Sometimes the task is simply accomplished through an act of kindness. Other times, a difficult conversation is what comes along. Ok... That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a life changing endeavor that literally changes the space-time continuum. The very fabric of the universe is altered for synergy and serendipity to pave the way in order to accomplish God's work. After the grueling process of leaving the starting blocks and finding our stride, I soon realized that regardless of carefully pacing and planning this endeavor; it was going to be a long ride! Jaiden's femur was lengthened 8.5cm over a 90 day period of crude (almost barbaric) distraction. However, this seemingly crude process was performed by an experienced team of world class experts. Looking back on the experience is both surreal and sobering. Knowing that we will have at least two more lengthenings in the next several years is downright daunting. But knowing that we accepted and are diligent in restoring and transforming Jaiden's spiritual, emotional and physical life brings power from on high. More importantly, there is much needed peace when we do that which we know pleases Father. Serving and lifting others in Christ's name is our honored privilege. The power of the atonement can deliver eternal peace through an eternal perspective. That is what this lightning arcing through the rainbow at sunset means to me. The whisper of the Holy Spirit nudged me to pull over to capture the beautiful scenery I was presented with while contemplating the proverbial road ahead in enduring Jaiden's endeavor. 

Up to that point my spirit had been anticipating some debilitating stomach cramps. A feeling of terror that I will not be able to maintain my desire to finish the work. The fruits of our previous labors had been sweeter and more miraculous than I could have imagined. The Lord carried us through and I began to doubt my resolve and capacity to make it through another season of miraculous labors. 

There is opposition in all things and I'm ok with that. I just need to remember that I can't blame the cookies for my painful consequence...

Introduction

My life has been nothing short of amazingly miraculous. However, I recognize that I choose to receive it that way. In fact, some folks have found that I am nothing more than a dreamer, off the beaten path and perhaps obstinately rebellious. "Normal" is defined by my own experience and expectations. Absorbing and accepting societal norms endangers the very fabric of life and breeds mundane conformity.

Regardless of what I profess as an ideal, I have come to recognize the need to be submissive... Selectively submissive. Indeed, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has redeemed my soul and walks with me through thick and thin. I have been tremendously blessed with adversity which has shown me the path of both compelling accountability and humble reliance. My Heavenly Father has seen fit to entrust me with such profound experiences which have enabled an undeniable knowledge of the divine. Transcendent experiences more powerful and real than anything I could have previously fathomed. This journey builds upon itself or disintegrates as I choose to perceive it and gain (or lose) capacity to receive it.

In an attempt to obey that guiding Spirit, I am documenting my mortal life experience. I want nothing more than to edify and lift others by sharing my heart, mind and soul. Reality dictates that many will question and perhaps disagree with what I present as my truth. Not only do I expect this, my deepest desire is that others will also choose to seek such transformative peace and power through accepting the blessings of Christ's atonement here and now.